What can you do if you are a full-grown adult, but never experienced being a child?
08.06.2025 07:06
It is CRUCIAL that you FIND THAT EMBER of stubbornness, determination, tenacity that STILL BURNS INSIDE OF YOU.
It is important for you to reconnect with your Inner Child and GIVE YOURSELF the things that you always needed during your childhood— that you STILL NEED NOW. Because you feel empty, forlorn, adrift, and discontent WITHOUT those things in your life.
Make sure you stop and listen for the ECHOES when that Harsh Inner Critic starts yelling at you or insulting you.
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It doesn't matter WHAT it is that you WANT TO ENJOY. You have to GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to ENJOY it.
It took me about a month and a half to figure out the perfect name for my Inner Child. Because I wanted it to be SYMBOLIC on many different levels (but still FUN.)
That's just a way to lock yourself into a LIFELONG PRISON of OBLIGATIONS and DISAPPOINTMENTS.
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Give to that part of yourself all of the LOVE, ATTENTION, AFFECTION, VALIDATION, APPROVAL, CARING and CONCERN that you DID NOT GET from your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your coaches, and other adults who DISAPPOINTED you and DISILLUSIONED you throughout your life.
Adversities and challenges come along and FORCE you to deal with all kinds of circumstances that you never thought would happen TO YOU.
You will still be an adult having this wonderful experience by osmosis— which will remind you of the joys of childhood.
Sometimes it's very COMFORTING to see images on old DVDs that remind you of your childhood. For me, that's watching any television show, especially cop show dramas, that we're filmed in Los Angeles, California—a place I have always dreamed of living in.
My imagination comes out when I write fiction stories.
That's WHY you have to ACKNOWLEDGE and CONFRONT where you got these MISTAKEN BELIEFS ABOUT YOURSELF that tell you that you're wrong, bad, worthless, or irrelevant.
What is your worst experience in life?
Whatever it is that is an ENDURING INTEREST to you (or an interest that you let go fallow as you focused on the seriousness of being an adult)—is something that you should be bringing into your life again.
It made me feel very self-conscious when I started trying to reconnect with my Inner Child.
Children have great imaginations!
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Most of the time it does not turn out differently. You're suffering the same kind of misery— only with a different person.
You do NOT have to feel DEPRIVED or DENIED any longer.
Too many people BLINDLY BELIEVE they HAVE TO DO what they are told to do— by adults who are the authority figures in their life.
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Because of the adversities of my life, I have always been a very serious person who really has difficulty understanding what it means to have FUN.
Children also imagined that their toys understand what they are saying to them when we played with them.
If your parents were cruel like mine, and never let you collect things about celebrities, performers, or sports figures that you admired— then start doing that for yourself immediately!
Buy DVDs of favorite programs/movies from your childhood. You will ENJOY watching it just as much NOW as you did THEN. You're older now, so you're going to see stuff in that program that you didn't notice back then. And you might realize that some of the characters you liked in those programs actually helped you figure things out as you were growing and evolving as a human being. That's always a very FUN realization!
You need to focus on what it is that YOU ENJOY.
Life is what happens when we're making other plans.
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You've internalized their CONDEMNATION and their RIDICULE and now you are MISTAKING that iInner Critic’s voice as your own voice.
You could become a coach of a sports team. You could teach children how to draw, paint or play a musical instrument. You could encourage them to write stories and teach them how to do that.
As we grow up, cognitive dissonance sets in, and we all become very detached (and sometimes dissociated) from very important elements of our own personality.
Think of your Inner Child as an Invisible Companion that you are trying to MENTOR, NURTURE, and HELP.
As you watch or collect things from your past, it will allow you to reconnect with the person you were THEN—which is part of the person that you have been becoming all of your life.
If you look at your interactions (and your own beliefs) with unflinching honesty— then you're going to realize that you've been BULLIED and BRAINWASHED by LOTS of very judgmental, harsh, cruel, ignorant, incentive people who had zero RESPECT for your goals, dreams, or your individuality.
Start by NOT listening to any harsh, critical, denigrating voices that you hear in your head when you start trying to reconnect with your childhood self. Those harsh voices are actually ECHOES of things someone in your past (like your parents, teacher, or relatives, or mentors) told you to: “Quit acting like a child.”
If we are all truly HONEST WITH OURSELVES, those same things are still very CONFUSING and SCARY to us as adults too!
Read about Inner Child Work and look for suggestions about how you can get in touch with your younger self.
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Because the PAIN you are trying to ignore from those kinds of emotional and psychological WOUNDS are still haunting/tormenting you.
I HAVE to keep myself busy.
Cruel people will DO ANYTHING to CRUSH YOUR SPIRIT and make you FEEL AWFUL.
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I didn't like the idea of using ANY part of my own name. (Because my parents gave me that name— and I don't happen to like it.)
I also have dozens of allergies, so being outside is never a fun situation for me.
Because YOU are going to be the person who steps in, RESCUES your Inner Child, and learns how to NURTURE and LOVE YOURSELF better from now on— as you PRIORITIZE your dreams, your goals and your needs while you create the future that you really want to live in.
You need to IDENTIFY the people you have known throughout your life who fall into the category of People Who Do Not Have Compassion and Empathy. Then you're going to know who your ENEMIES are. And you're going to know who is dangerous to you—no matter what their age is
Watching movies and television programs from your childhood will help you reconnect with your dreams and parts of yourself that you remember so vividly from a time in your life that was an era BEFORE YOU LOST HOPE.
YOUR ABUSERS put those LIES in your mind and programmed you (just like you're a computer) when you were young, vulnerable, and impressionable.
Just because we're adults now, does NOT mean that we've got life figured out yet. Being an adult doesn't mean we're happier OR content.
Try to conceptualize your Younger Self as an Imaginary Friend. Many children imagine that they have Imaginary Friends that nobody else can see.
I advocate taking refuge in ANYTHING that can help you cope with the struggles in your life in ways that feel HELPFUL and NURTURING to YOU.
You need to NURTURE that FLICKERING EMBER and make sure that you PROTECT IT, DEFEND IT, and DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE IT GROW so that it can become a FIRE WITHIN YOU again—to give you motivation to create the type of future you really do want to live in.
I'm not an outdoorsy person—because I have too many health problems. The only sport I was ever good at was swimming. But I only lived in an apartment complex once that had a swimming pool. My parents would NEVER give me money to pay for admission to a public pool.
I ADORE going to amusement parks. If I could go to an amusement park once a week, I would be THRILLED . But I'm lucky if I could afford to go to an amusement park once a year given my financial issues. Now, I've got to the point where I'm too old and too crippled by chronic health problems to even get onto an amusement park ride at a County Fair.
We caved in to the demands of so many people who just ended up using us, abusing us, exploiting us, and manipulating us.
I like the idea of somebody holding my hand luje Pooh holds Piglet's hand—because that has never happened.
If something— or someone FORCES a child to be serious, it makes a child SAD or SCARED.
Cruel adults often tell children, “You are too old to play with a certain toy or to enjoy a television program.” Cruel adults will tell you to quit doing whatever it is that made you have HAPPY back then.
Or, they told you to quit enjoying your imagination in some way.
My ideas of FUN are quiet, withdrawn, and scholarly— because I wasn't allowed to make noise when I was a kid.
Even though I live alone, it made me feel embarrassed to talk to my Inner Child. But I've gotten used to doing that. Sometimes I will call my Inner Child by the name I gave her and say, “We're going out for ice cream.”
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At first, when I started reading about Inner Child Work I thought it was the goofiest thing I ever encountered.
When people DO or SAY anything cruel, NEVER doubt they are doing it DELIBERATELY. They are doing it with malice aforethought—because they are jealous, envious, vindictive, spiteful, and cruel.
Escapism can help you save your sanity.
One of the things I've been interested in since I was a very young child is mythology. So, I chose a name from mythology to give to my Inner Child. And it's perfect!
Give that Inner Critic a name too. That way you can ARGUE with it better. Tell it to “shut up” when it starts making you feel wrong or inadequate.
You remember the stuff that you liked. And you remember the stuff that scared you.
Argue with ANY churlish voices or people that are trying to STIFLE your creativity, your joy, and your individuality!
We can all remember when we were a child thinking that it would be a lot more fun once but became an adult. Because we'd have a car, we'd have money to buy things that we want, and we wouldn't be FORCED to do boring stuff that we didn't like to do.
I also wear very bright, colorful clothes and any kind of patterns that I think are FUN or outrageous.
I HATE the clothes I have to wear to work— because they're always dull colors and they are very stodgy, conservative clothing. But every job has a dress code and you have to abide by it.
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to do things that you ENJOYED when you were a child.
Because you are MISSING the You That You Used To Be.
It STILL DOES (and I'm an elderly woman now.). People will see me in tie-dyed clothing most of the time.
The divorce rate is VERY HIGH. Yet people still get married again thinking it's going to turn out differently the next time.
Children Just Want to Have Fun!
TRYING is what helps you SURVIVE and THRIVE.
You still remember yourself at various ages. You remember how you felt, what you did, what you hoped for, what your dreams for the future were.
If you're surrounded by a bunch of harmful, toxic people—you are going to get MANGLED: psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and often physically.
Whatever helps you connect to your Inner Child is something that you should nurture.
Devious people are ALWAYS scheming to DESTROY people's JOY and take it away from them somehow. (That's where the word KILLJOY comes from.)
Then I realized I was too serious (and had been for too long.) I'd LOST any sense of FUN—even though I have a wonderful imagination.
I am a huge fan of the writing of Marcel Proust. He understood WHY we always need to think about and connect with our past. One of his most famous quotes is: “The real Journey of Discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Prousr said this in La Prisonniere (The Prisoner)— which is part of the fifth volume of his Remembrance of Things Past (which is also known as In Search of Lost Time.)
Whatever you cherished as a child— that adults cruelly took away from you, or ridiculed you for doing— are the things that you NEED to make sure that you GET BACK into your life as soon as possible!
If your parents are as cruel as mine were, they'll throw away your toys when you're at school and you don't get to have those toys anymore. They will throw away ANYTHING that you CHERISH. Even if it's something like collecting little rocks.
Start thinking about those memories again— especially when you're looking at pictures of yourself from your childhood (and photos of you as you age.)
Even if you are just feeling WISTFUL for the simpler, bygone days of childhood—you still need to do that Inner Child Work and reconnect with that Lost Part of Yourself.
As you're hanging out with your Inner Child get IMAGINATIVE with it.
WHY???
That hope may seem like an EMBER that only has the tiniest bit of red-orange flame wiggling around inside of it (while the rest of of your life has been burned to ashes.)
Keeping a journal about your memories, which may help you connect with your Childhood Self so that you can MERGE it with your Current Self as an adult.
If you've ever seen drawings of Winnie the Pooh holding Piglet's hand as they're walking along— try to imagine your Inner Child as being small like Piglet and you are the kind, compassionate, gentle, loving friend who's taller than Piglet. Imagine yourself as Winnie the Pooh as you're going somewhere in the world while you are reconnecting with your Inner Child.
PLEASE start reconnecting with your younger self (at an age when you didn't have so much to worry about or dread.) If you can become Best Friends with your Inner Child, you may figure out ways to cope with the challenges of your adult life in ways that are more helpful to you now.
Buy yourself a favorite game that you haven't played with for decades. Buy yourself toys. Buy yourself a musical instrument you always want to learn how to play; then take lessons. Buy yourself art supplies and start creating art. Start writing stories, articles, essays, or reviews if you enjoyed writing during your childhood, but people discouraged you from pursuing that as a hobby or a career.
That's the reason WHY you want to recreate childhood.
When you get to THAT point in life you're in Far More DANGER than you realize!
Especially if you enjoyed it a whole lot when you were a kid and you STOPPED doing it because people told you you COULDN'T do that now that you're becoming an adult.
EXAMPLE: Our parents never let us wear denim jeans. We were never allowed to wear colorful clothing.
YOU are the ONLY person who's going to realize that you're having this long, involved inner dialogue with your Inner Child.
People make the mistake of embracing CONFORMITY at the expense of their own individuality, their own creativity, their own independence, and their own freedom.
Sometimes adults don't realize HOW miserable they are until the MISERY builds up to the point where they are in DESPAIR and they can no longer IGNORE how AWFUL they feel: psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
You HAVE to realize: when we are children, we are young, vulnerable, and impressionable. Little children don't know enough about life yet. So they rely on the adults in their life (or older children in their life) to teach them the things that they need to know and learn— so they can survive.
(Because the things that adults deal with are very CONFUSING and OVERWHELMING to a child.)
That is when HOPE gets destroyed.
Children can be ALL those things because they LEARN how to act cruel. Adults in the a child's life TEACH them that it's okay to say and do mean and cruel things to others. If that child lacks empathy and compassion for others, then they will also enjoy being mean and cruel to others. Because they won't feel as if they did anything wrong one day upset someone else and hurt your feelings by insulting them.
Being an adult comes with LOTS of responsibilities and obligations that you really DON'T want to deal with.
As long as you continue TRYING to create the type of life that will MAKE YOU HAPPY—then you know you're doing your BEST to nurture and protect yourself.
I wear what makes me feel good. I don't care what anybody else thinks!
Children are much better than adults at INSTINCTIVELY doing what makes them feel happy or content.
Because we did NOT prioritize ourselves enough by focusing on our dreams, our goals, and creating the type of future we really wanted to live in.
It's more fun to buy the ice cream and bring it home so that you can talk to your Inner Child while you're making the ice cream cones and eating them.
We were never allowed to wear sneakers or tennis shoes—unless we were in gym class at school, or playing sports on a team.
Because you were cheated out of having an actual childhood that you could ENJOY by abusive or narcissistic parents and their co-conspirators.
As we age, life circumstances DERAIL our dreams and our goals. Adversities and challenges can mount up to the point where the trajectory of our life (and what we always believed would be our destiny) becomes obliterated.
I've always been insatiably curious. I need to be learning new things all the time. I have a very restless intellect that needs constant stimulation. Boredom has always been something I CANNOT tolerate for even a brief time.
You can also think about becoming a mentor to children as a way to experience the CONTAGIOUS JOY that little children feel when they're having FUN doing stuff they LIKE to do.
Other articles that I found helpful are How To Silence Your Harsh Inner Critic.
The articles I read on Inner Child Work suggested that you give your Inner Child a name.
When you decide to become a mentor to somebody, there's a great deal of Truth in that old saying: JOY SHARED IS JOY DOUBLED
Because we are told by: society, religion, philosophies, cultures, psychology, family members, and other people we know— that we HAVE to do so many different types of things in order to be considered ACCEPTED by others—or to be considered an adult.
That'sWHY y it's even more necessary at such times of Despair to reconnect with the YOU THAT YOU USED TO BE when you still had hope for your future.
As soon as I got a job, and I was living on my own, the first thing I started buying for myself was bell bottom jeans and tie dye shirts.
The important thing is to TALK to your Inner Child about old memories that you're trying to EVOKE so that you can RECONNECT with that Lost Part of Yourself.
When I'm trying to reconnect with my Inner Child, I imagine it as an Invisible Imaginary Friend standing next to me. My Inner Child is much smaller (because you're supposed to imagine yourself as a child.)
I was a child and a teenager during the 1960s and 1970s. My parents were very stodgy and they expected my siblings and I to dress in stodgy ways that made us ridiculed by other children at school or in the neighborhood.
I didn't care if those clothes were considered Retro, outdated or obsolete when I was finally able to buy them. Because it made me HAPPY to wear them.
Do what makes YOU HAPPY!🙂🙃
Reading articles about self love, self compassion, self-validation, self-approval (and anything that starts with the word “self” in the title) has helped me learn how to treat myself with more kindness.
Most of us are busy struggling just to get through the day without losing our sanity.
The adversities of life FORCE EVERYONE to adjust their expectations— and learn how to cope with their limitations—as best they can with the resources that they have.
I was forced to assume a lot of adult responsibilities when I was a child— because both of my parents were impaired by multiple substance abuse disorders. My parents were also in their 40s when they had me, so they had no sense of fun. They we're tired and worn out and usually too drunk and depressed to do anything. So my childhood was very miserable.
Children don't get self-conscious or embarrassed by anything that they say or do when they're playing—UNTIL a child—or an adult—says something mean and cruel to insult them and make them feel bad, wrong, or stupid.
Cruel people NEVER HESITATE to SAY or DO cruel things to others!
If there was something that you enjoyed doing when you were a kid (that you STOPPED doing: like drawing/painting pictures, writing stories, or writing songs— then definitely reconnect with that part of yourself and EVOKE those wonderful memories you had from childhood and bring them into your CURRENT LIFE too.
That's why books, writing, and words, have ALWAYS been my best friends. Learning is a daily OBSESSION of mine.
EXZMPME: Most people have BOUGHT INTO THE LIE that you HAVE to get married and you HAVE createchildren.
Start COLLECTING whatever it is that you coveted as a child— but your parents wouldn't let you have.
The YOU that got CHANGED by the drudgery and the challenges of life.
The ECHOES you are going to hear arecthe voices of people you know who have saidINSULTING g and ABUSIVE things to you throughout your life.
Figure out ways to affordably give yourself things that you always wanted as a child but we're denied.
Have FUN connecting with your Inner Child!
Unfortunately, the first thing that people learn when they become an adult is how IGNORANT you were about hiw much DRUDGERY life really involves. The drudgery of life is unavoidable unless you are fabulously wealthy and you can afford to go anywhere you want to and just have fun most of the time .
Thrn, as adults, we get into this horrible DOWNWARD SPIRAL of misery that leads to the Depths of Despair, and nothing but REGRETS.